Yes, I know this is fucking long, but it’s so right:
64 thoughts on “The Best Advice to Come from the Internets”
this was full of absolute win.
EPIC!
I can agree with a lot of this, but not all of it and maybe not even most, though I didn’t honestly measure. I can agree that most people suck, including girls. So staying single and hitting up the clubs and bars for some tail once in a while might actually be the right play. If you’re the kind of person that IS stuck in your mother’s basement, reading the Internet (and this very page) for dating advice, then going to places where girls’ judgments are impaired by alcohol is probably your best best.
You should get a job, regardless, but skip the hefty gift-giving. Forget sacrifice. Everything is trade. Accept nothing less.
you srsly need loan modification help after all this crap!
LULZ.
Dear lord…. a dude actually got it.
We are all douche bags but we need someone who will be nice enough we might want them around the offspring we might produce with out 100% MENTALLY WARPING THEM! Only like 85% or something.
Quit posting stupid shit on this sight and get a job.
yeah, this is good shit. kudos to whoever did it.
i actually found out some of that shit myself like a year ago, but this hopefully will help some other fags get it right.
FUCKIN DO IT ! it works !
Cool dude… very good read. Guess I should get to bed so i can get to work in time.
I LIKE this…I am really glad we had this conversation….;-) Even though I am not a guy, I think the ideas expressed here apply to someone like me too. Great advice!! ;-)
Holy balls, that may be the best thing I’ve ever read on the entire interwebs. Win, +1 rep.
I must depart with the author on this thread on one thing. As you can tell from my name, this is coming from the female perspective.
Do not buy an expensive gift for a woman you hardly know. Here’s why. There is a 50% chance she’ll find it creepy and a 50% chance she’ll find it cute.
If she finds it creepy, then you just spent $400 for no reason.
If she finds it cute, chances are she already likes you and you’ve just blown $400 when you could have taken her out for a nice coffee and pastry for $10 at most.
So my advice, find a girl you like. Ask her for coffee. If it goes well and she seems to like you too THEN buy her a few crates worth of fountain pens or what have you.
Agreed with everyone. This is quite possibly the best thing I’ve ever read on the internet.
I need a job.
Wow, you may pick up your one internets at the door. Thank you for making my day so much better. I think at some point, all nerds get to this point. They just need to realize that there is one person out there for them and the need to keep on truckin.
BRB, getting a job…
Glad to have read this before adulthood!
Wait…this didn’t make getting a job or a chick sound enticing at all. :S
Actually you are forgetting the most important thing:
YOU DON’T EXIST
sorry.
Most of this is probably great advice for your average basement dweller, except for the gift giving. Girls can usually see through that immediately, especially if it’s a gift from some dude they aren’t already dating. Some women will be turned off by this because they feel like you are trying to buy them. The super materialistic girls will dig it, but do you really want one of them? The point of the gift is to show that you are interested in the girl, and there’s more than one way. Just ask her out instead.
And if you’re going to pretend to be something in order to actually become it, remember that you should still like yourself in the end.
I can say as a statement of fact, that this does not work. Society is dumbed down to the point where having a job, and having the best personality with all the ethics and goodness that entails, does not make a woman want you. You could even be handsome with this and it still not work. I lived this from birth, and even unto this day still am the kind of person all women say they want. But I’m not rich, nor am I tall. That is what turns women away, and I mean all women. Women can bitch and complain all they want about this truth, but deep down they know it to be so. Women want money, and power. If you don’t have it, women ignore you. But don’t get me wrong, women aren’t the only culprits. Men are the same way. Though for men it changes to money and beauty. Hence the propensity for women to try to be a barbie doll instead of being themselves. This makes them have low self esteem, and the only cure for that is money and power. So in the end, men and women make thier own problems on each other. The more they do this, the dumber soceity becomes as you are literally mating yourselves into extinction. Yeah, the world is becoming overpopulated, but the majority of the population are fucking nimrods shooting out babies like a machine gun. Soon food will become scarcer, natural resources will drain, and the human race will begin to wither and die because it’s become too dumb to save itself. Your race is its own destruction, and it all starts with your mating practices and rituals. Bravo.
Oh yeah, and to fix something you’ve stated about altruism. You know nothing about it. True selflessness or altruism means giving of oneself without reward. If a religious person does something kind for thier God because they think they’ll be rewarded in heaven, that’s not selfless. Any action that is done outo f kindness for any kind of reward, be it physical, mental, spiritual, becomes selfish and sabotages the action making it not kind. The only way to be truly altruistic and selfless, is to do something kind and ask only that the person you’ve done kindness to, returns it not to you, but to another with the same stipulation on them to do the same. If this was done, it would spread like wildfire, and the world would advance beyond the stars.
Take from this what you want, laugh at it if you want, fight it all you want, but you know it to be true.
I’d just like to point out that I didn’t create this.
This, as most things do, comes from /b/.
You know what? Looking at all that, i think i’ll stick with the internet :)
You know how you tell yourself you are studying because you have your certification books opened in front of you? But you are really clicking on Stumble Upon to find interesting posts to read?
Yeah well, I came across yours and had to write to tell you I enjoyed it very much. I gave it the thumbs up, so more people can come across it and enjoy it also.
Another female’s perspective on the gift giving: you really should wait until you’ve spent at least a bit of one on one time with her (no, not *that* kind). If you give an expensive gift too early, she WILL be creeped out. Or she’ll see you as a walking dollar sign (and you really don’t want that chick who just wants gifts and then pulls the “lets be friends” speech. They’re awful!)
Some women, the more forward thinking ones, might refuse to accept. I know a few women, like me, would have a hard time accepting a gift that cost a few hundred dollars. For instance, I might accept an iPod Shuffle. Maybe. But an iPhone? Never. I’d rather buy those things for myself and receiving them as a gift from a potential romantic interest seems either manipulative, lazy, or both. I’d feel obligated to date them and that’s a creepy feeling. Plus it raises all sorts of questions about “the trade”. Taking it freely seems odd/materialistic/manipulative….but dating/sexing the person in return is worse.
Take her out to coffee or something first. If you pay for her drink, she’ll probably get the hint.
Thanks for the laugh! This was hilarious and true in many ways.
Getting a job does not HAVE to suck though. You can actually do something you enjoy if you have enough talent and will to make it happen.
I feel very, very offended by this post. How dare you. I have social anxiety disorder, and believe it or not, it is a real condition. I do have a job and i work fucking hard. Who are you to have a go at people with mental illness?
this was great thanks for sharing.
Theres a lot more of us women on the Internet than most people realize I suppose. I really enjoyed this, mostly because this is the kind of thing I should be doing (except replace “chicks” with “men” and “Spend a ludicrous amount on a gift” with “Flirt till he gets the picture”) Though flipping out on people with mental disorders is a liiittle harsh. Though I completely get it. Just because you freak in public places doesn’t mean you should never go out again.
I need a job…
But what if they fiire mmee…
Okay so that was blunt. Accurate, but blunt.
I may cry.
Did I write this? NO, I didn’t write this…but I totally should have! Internet Gold!
THIS POST IS WINRAR. I GIVE IT OVER 9000 THUMBS UP.
Fuck you!
jesus… thank god i’m gay.
I’m thinking why I have read this :P
The bitter-pill of truth.
Excellent, it just explained life to me
This is hillarious. Maybe this should be passed out with unemployment checks for some motivation.
This (almost) totally rocks!! I would like to add one thing: the “medievel tradition based on social control” thing is totally true, authorities and many churches in the past and even today misused faith and religion as a tool of control. However i personally am a Christian and while it doesn’t offend me that you are convinced faith in god is (mostly) a bad thing, you should be prepared to accept that there are people like me who have a different perspective. So my version of “the best advice to come from the internets” would be slightly different in that i would have gone the other direction and suggested that fixed moralities and unselfishness are required of us, and that (in my opinion) the main reason we should try to “pretend we dont suck”. That single phrase is what half the bible and most of the new testament boils down to. Example “Love your enemies, do good those that hurt you”. If we “suck” we think everyone’s our enemy! What an opportunity!! lol!
This is true, and wise, and funny. Where’s the female version?
I just wanted to say that I love this site
** as usual . . .
Culturally limited in both time and space. For example, shamanism runs completely counter to tribes of go-along-to-get-along normals.
Zero-sum games are not written in our genetic material. And so-called altruistic behavior among animals applies only to kin (genetic) relationships.
Altruists and martyrs are nihilists in-this-world who imagine that they will be laughing all the way to their rewards in-the-other-world. Courtesy of imagined vengeful world saviors — Christ/Allah/Yahweh — of the big-3 middle eastern monotheisms.
The de-deification of culture (including the sciences) is our task for next 500 years.
anti-supernaturalist
Are there more testimonials around the site?
enjoyed that. spot on.
Excellent advice and so true
The advice in this blog entry perfectly describes how I used to view life.
But then I moved up to the high school.
perfect.
I’ll go get a job.
Okay I got a phone tech support job. I got the social life. I got the girl but I’m having a really hard time making myself into that decent human being.
I love this, I had a really good laugh reading it. I think it was meant to be funny as well as serious. There are girls on the internet, were just all mean and nasty and aspire to f@ck up your world :).
While I absolutely love this, I don’t think the whole gift-thing would fly here in Sweden. For a first date, even paying for her coffee and pastry can be kind of weird to some people. A crate full of ballpoint pens would probably be even more weird.
But like I said, it’s a great read if you’re looking for some hard truths along with some comic relief.
A very charming blog.
He likes very.
He is about the life.
;)
bravo. this is beautiful.
This should be posted on the front page of the internet. Every internet.
One part wise, five parts foolish.
At first it was right.
Then it turned into absolute shit.
So, the only way to be fulfilled is to get a girlfriend, and the only way to get a girlfriend is to get a job, fully integrate society and be completely selfless?
And I’m supposed to take this advice from a random /b/tard who seems to know a lot more than I do about living in a basement and collecting anime girl figurines, and thinks he has life figured out?
Adam:
Yes. Glad you could learn something from a guy who not only didn’t create this but only posted it because it thought it was funny regardless of his opinion on the “content” of this lolhueg image.
There are single girls everywhere, on the bus, in the park, in the streets’re running thousands of them.
You’re probably one of those assholes who goes to fast food places so you can yell at the employees.
this is wrong, horribly horribly wrong…
Hah, fuck that shit. I’ll just stay home, watch porn and jerk myself into oblivion :D
Seriously though, this might be true for idiots, douchebags and those idiot fucktoys they hang with. The rest of us however, just go looking for someone who tolerate all our quirks, habits and wierd fetishes and sticking with that person nomatter what.
Awesome.
I’m not sure about the whole anthropology stuff thrown around (tribes of apes and all). But the advice works. Seriously.
Be the good guy, chicks are into that. I’ve had a wonderful life because of it (I’m 48, and a good guy).
BTW, the gift thing is not about the girl, it’s about you. If you can get to where YOU are giving away, you will be that good guy. This stuff really is good.
Don’t give women anything and don’t be like this if you are surfing 4chan you have already lost i’m sorry if its harsh but be social its no one’s fault but yours if your not. No one is programed to hate you. Just talk to girls about something else besides your wow account. And for god sake be confident if you cant love yourself how the fuck can anyone else.
this was full of absolute win.
EPIC!
I can agree with a lot of this, but not all of it and maybe not even most, though I didn’t honestly measure. I can agree that most people suck, including girls. So staying single and hitting up the clubs and bars for some tail once in a while might actually be the right play. If you’re the kind of person that IS stuck in your mother’s basement, reading the Internet (and this very page) for dating advice, then going to places where girls’ judgments are impaired by alcohol is probably your best best.
You should get a job, regardless, but skip the hefty gift-giving. Forget sacrifice. Everything is trade. Accept nothing less.
René
http://www.workingauthor.com
you srsly need loan modification help after all this crap!
LULZ.
Dear lord…. a dude actually got it.
We are all douche bags but we need someone who will be nice enough we might want them around the offspring we might produce with out 100% MENTALLY WARPING THEM! Only like 85% or something.
Quit posting stupid shit on this sight and get a job.
yeah, this is good shit. kudos to whoever did it.
i actually found out some of that shit myself like a year ago, but this hopefully will help some other fags get it right.
FUCKIN DO IT ! it works !
Cool dude… very good read. Guess I should get to bed so i can get to work in time.
I LIKE this…I am really glad we had this conversation….;-) Even though I am not a guy, I think the ideas expressed here apply to someone like me too. Great advice!! ;-)
Holy balls, that may be the best thing I’ve ever read on the entire interwebs. Win, +1 rep.
I must depart with the author on this thread on one thing. As you can tell from my name, this is coming from the female perspective.
Do not buy an expensive gift for a woman you hardly know. Here’s why. There is a 50% chance she’ll find it creepy and a 50% chance she’ll find it cute.
If she finds it creepy, then you just spent $400 for no reason.
If she finds it cute, chances are she already likes you and you’ve just blown $400 when you could have taken her out for a nice coffee and pastry for $10 at most.
So my advice, find a girl you like. Ask her for coffee. If it goes well and she seems to like you too THEN buy her a few crates worth of fountain pens or what have you.
Agreed with everyone. This is quite possibly the best thing I’ve ever read on the internet.
I need a job.
Wow, you may pick up your one internets at the door. Thank you for making my day so much better. I think at some point, all nerds get to this point. They just need to realize that there is one person out there for them and the need to keep on truckin.
BRB, getting a job…
Glad to have read this before adulthood!
Wait…this didn’t make getting a job or a chick sound enticing at all. :S
Actually you are forgetting the most important thing:
YOU DON’T EXIST
sorry.
Most of this is probably great advice for your average basement dweller, except for the gift giving. Girls can usually see through that immediately, especially if it’s a gift from some dude they aren’t already dating. Some women will be turned off by this because they feel like you are trying to buy them. The super materialistic girls will dig it, but do you really want one of them? The point of the gift is to show that you are interested in the girl, and there’s more than one way. Just ask her out instead.
And if you’re going to pretend to be something in order to actually become it, remember that you should still like yourself in the end.
I can say as a statement of fact, that this does not work. Society is dumbed down to the point where having a job, and having the best personality with all the ethics and goodness that entails, does not make a woman want you. You could even be handsome with this and it still not work. I lived this from birth, and even unto this day still am the kind of person all women say they want. But I’m not rich, nor am I tall. That is what turns women away, and I mean all women. Women can bitch and complain all they want about this truth, but deep down they know it to be so. Women want money, and power. If you don’t have it, women ignore you. But don’t get me wrong, women aren’t the only culprits. Men are the same way. Though for men it changes to money and beauty. Hence the propensity for women to try to be a barbie doll instead of being themselves. This makes them have low self esteem, and the only cure for that is money and power. So in the end, men and women make thier own problems on each other. The more they do this, the dumber soceity becomes as you are literally mating yourselves into extinction. Yeah, the world is becoming overpopulated, but the majority of the population are fucking nimrods shooting out babies like a machine gun. Soon food will become scarcer, natural resources will drain, and the human race will begin to wither and die because it’s become too dumb to save itself. Your race is its own destruction, and it all starts with your mating practices and rituals. Bravo.
Oh yeah, and to fix something you’ve stated about altruism. You know nothing about it. True selflessness or altruism means giving of oneself without reward. If a religious person does something kind for thier God because they think they’ll be rewarded in heaven, that’s not selfless. Any action that is done outo f kindness for any kind of reward, be it physical, mental, spiritual, becomes selfish and sabotages the action making it not kind. The only way to be truly altruistic and selfless, is to do something kind and ask only that the person you’ve done kindness to, returns it not to you, but to another with the same stipulation on them to do the same. If this was done, it would spread like wildfire, and the world would advance beyond the stars.
Take from this what you want, laugh at it if you want, fight it all you want, but you know it to be true.
I’d just like to point out that I didn’t create this.
This, as most things do, comes from /b/.
You know what? Looking at all that, i think i’ll stick with the internet :)
You know how you tell yourself you are studying because you have your certification books opened in front of you? But you are really clicking on Stumble Upon to find interesting posts to read?
Yeah well, I came across yours and had to write to tell you I enjoyed it very much. I gave it the thumbs up, so more people can come across it and enjoy it also.
Another female’s perspective on the gift giving: you really should wait until you’ve spent at least a bit of one on one time with her (no, not *that* kind). If you give an expensive gift too early, she WILL be creeped out. Or she’ll see you as a walking dollar sign (and you really don’t want that chick who just wants gifts and then pulls the “lets be friends” speech. They’re awful!)
Some women, the more forward thinking ones, might refuse to accept. I know a few women, like me, would have a hard time accepting a gift that cost a few hundred dollars. For instance, I might accept an iPod Shuffle. Maybe. But an iPhone? Never. I’d rather buy those things for myself and receiving them as a gift from a potential romantic interest seems either manipulative, lazy, or both. I’d feel obligated to date them and that’s a creepy feeling. Plus it raises all sorts of questions about “the trade”. Taking it freely seems odd/materialistic/manipulative….but dating/sexing the person in return is worse.
Take her out to coffee or something first. If you pay for her drink, she’ll probably get the hint.
Thanks for the laugh! This was hilarious and true in many ways.
Getting a job does not HAVE to suck though. You can actually do something you enjoy if you have enough talent and will to make it happen.
I feel very, very offended by this post. How dare you. I have social anxiety disorder, and believe it or not, it is a real condition. I do have a job and i work fucking hard. Who are you to have a go at people with mental illness?
this was great thanks for sharing.
Theres a lot more of us women on the Internet than most people realize I suppose. I really enjoyed this, mostly because this is the kind of thing I should be doing (except replace “chicks” with “men” and “Spend a ludicrous amount on a gift” with “Flirt till he gets the picture”) Though flipping out on people with mental disorders is a liiittle harsh. Though I completely get it. Just because you freak in public places doesn’t mean you should never go out again.
I need a job…
But what if they fiire mmee…
Okay so that was blunt. Accurate, but blunt.
I may cry.
Did I write this? NO, I didn’t write this…but I totally should have! Internet Gold!
THIS POST IS WINRAR. I GIVE IT OVER 9000 THUMBS UP.
Fuck you!
jesus… thank god i’m gay.
I’m thinking why I have read this :P
The bitter-pill of truth.
Excellent, it just explained life to me
This is hillarious. Maybe this should be passed out with unemployment checks for some motivation.
This (almost) totally rocks!! I would like to add one thing: the “medievel tradition based on social control” thing is totally true, authorities and many churches in the past and even today misused faith and religion as a tool of control. However i personally am a Christian and while it doesn’t offend me that you are convinced faith in god is (mostly) a bad thing, you should be prepared to accept that there are people like me who have a different perspective. So my version of “the best advice to come from the internets” would be slightly different in that i would have gone the other direction and suggested that fixed moralities and unselfishness are required of us, and that (in my opinion) the main reason we should try to “pretend we dont suck”. That single phrase is what half the bible and most of the new testament boils down to. Example “Love your enemies, do good those that hurt you”. If we “suck” we think everyone’s our enemy! What an opportunity!! lol!
This is true, and wise, and funny. Where’s the female version?
I just wanted to say that I love this site
** as usual . . .
Culturally limited in both time and space. For example, shamanism runs completely counter to tribes of go-along-to-get-along normals.
Zero-sum games are not written in our genetic material. And so-called altruistic behavior among animals applies only to kin (genetic) relationships.
Altruists and martyrs are nihilists in-this-world who imagine that they will be laughing all the way to their rewards in-the-other-world. Courtesy of imagined vengeful world saviors — Christ/Allah/Yahweh — of the big-3 middle eastern monotheisms.
The de-deification of culture (including the sciences) is our task for next 500 years.
anti-supernaturalist
Are there more testimonials around the site?
enjoyed that. spot on.
Excellent advice and so true
The advice in this blog entry perfectly describes how I used to view life.
But then I moved up to the high school.
perfect.
I’ll go get a job.
Okay I got a phone tech support job. I got the social life. I got the girl but I’m having a really hard time making myself into that decent human being.
I love this, I had a really good laugh reading it. I think it was meant to be funny as well as serious. There are girls on the internet, were just all mean and nasty and aspire to f@ck up your world :).
While I absolutely love this, I don’t think the whole gift-thing would fly here in Sweden. For a first date, even paying for her coffee and pastry can be kind of weird to some people. A crate full of ballpoint pens would probably be even more weird.
But like I said, it’s a great read if you’re looking for some hard truths along with some comic relief.
A very charming blog.
He likes very.
He is about the life.
;)
bravo. this is beautiful.
This should be posted on the front page of the internet. Every internet.
One part wise, five parts foolish.
At first it was right.
Then it turned into absolute shit.
So, the only way to be fulfilled is to get a girlfriend, and the only way to get a girlfriend is to get a job, fully integrate society and be completely selfless?
And I’m supposed to take this advice from a random /b/tard who seems to know a lot more than I do about living in a basement and collecting anime girl figurines, and thinks he has life figured out?
Adam:
Yes. Glad you could learn something from a guy who not only didn’t create this but only posted it because it thought it was funny regardless of his opinion on the “content” of this lolhueg image.
There are single girls everywhere, on the bus, in the park, in the streets’re running thousands of them.
You’re probably one of those assholes who goes to fast food places so you can yell at the employees.
this is wrong, horribly horribly wrong…
Hah, fuck that shit. I’ll just stay home, watch porn and jerk myself into oblivion :D
Seriously though, this might be true for idiots, douchebags and those idiot fucktoys they hang with. The rest of us however, just go looking for someone who tolerate all our quirks, habits and wierd fetishes and sticking with that person nomatter what.
Awesome.
I’m not sure about the whole anthropology stuff thrown around (tribes of apes and all). But the advice works. Seriously.
Be the good guy, chicks are into that. I’ve had a wonderful life because of it (I’m 48, and a good guy).
BTW, the gift thing is not about the girl, it’s about you. If you can get to where YOU are giving away, you will be that good guy. This stuff really is good.
Don’t give women anything and don’t be like this if you are surfing 4chan you have already lost i’m sorry if its harsh but be social its no one’s fault but yours if your not. No one is programed to hate you. Just talk to girls about something else besides your wow account. And for god sake be confident if you cant love yourself how the fuck can anyone else.