Now I’ve Seen Everything

If you thought that just watching Martha Stewart was bad enough, how about a show whose sole purpose is to make fun of said Homemaker extraordinaire?

That’s exactly what I saw two nights ago, in the form of “Whatever, Martha!” on the Fine Living channel (What? It came on after Iron Chef Japan [which, with its American counterpart, may be one of the best shows on television]. You can’t blame me).

Here’s a taste of what I saw that fateful night:

Baby Hugs Made Easy

Found this here. :3

Step One: Find a Baby. Here’s a fine specimen:

Second, ensure the object you found is indeed a baby by employing classic sniffing techniques.

Prepare the baby for hugging by first flattening it:

Fourth: The “paw slide.” This one’s tricksy. You may have to practice this before attempting.

Finally, execute the difficult and patented “hug, smile, and lean” so as to achieve the best photo quality.

Oh Hay There

Holy crap! I just realized I have not updated this thing since long before Shakespeare wast a boy… You would not believe that I actually have a life. Apologies to my regular readers! Even the little blue ones!.

I am totally exhausted with responding to fan mail, being distracted by the shiny, and just generally being a delightful mistress to anyone unfortunate enough to cross my path. My day is full to overflowing from when the light through yonder window breaks to well after sun-down. I am totally exhausted. I need a nap.

I swear on the bones of my ancestors if one more person emails me to ask why I haven’t posted today I will start posting pictures of toe fungus, or fecal murals. Truly! This is for my ever faithful, devoted public… What do you mean you don’t believe me?

Tasty Severe Weather

For the past hour or so, the weather here’s been pretty righteous. Lots (and I mean lots of rain), sicktacular lightning, and lovely tornadoes. It’s been pretty crazy. And somewhat scary.

One of my friends lives near an area where there was a lot more damage, and he’s going to try and get some pics. I’ll see if I can get those up tomorrow or sometime.

But yeah, it’s pretty insane here.

Holy Schlapskie! An Entry!

So, yeah… during school, this thing has been a bit neglected, and that’s not a good thing. Part of the problem is that besides Epic Mondays, where my friends and I get together and watch the newest episode of Heroes, class, and doing random stuff around Conway, I really don’t have much “free time.” Nor has anything particularly interesting happened, and I don’t like “forcing” myself to blog. If there’s something cool, I’ll write about it, but if there isn’t, then… what’s happened lately happens.

However, in the next couple of weeks, there are at least two interesting events happening: On October 26, Demetri Martin and Seth Meyers are coming to perform at UCA. Then, on November 12, me and some of my friends are going to see FUCKING BRAND NEW. Those two are going to be really amazing, and I can’t wait. :D

There’s also a secret plan in the works that may or may not involve ninjas. More details later.

Basically, that’s a neat little summary of what’s happened since last entry and what will happen in the next month or so. Stay tuned for more entries in the exciting life of me. :p

Random Road Trip!!!

On Friday night, me and some of my friends decided to go to Righteous Wal-Mart. Now, that requires two explanations: One is that my friends have a habit of naming Wal-Marts. Some of the names include Shitty Wal-Mart, Court Date Wal-Mart, and Beaner-Mart. The second is that Righteous Wal-Mart is in Ruston, Louisiana… about 200 miles away.

It started with one of my friends joking around about where we should go to eat, and then someone suggested we should go to Righteous Wal-Mart. When he said that, some people were like… “:O Sure, let’s go!” So, we had an impromptu roadtrip on our hands. We stopped at Taco Bell for some quick food. Upon returning to the apartment for a supply pick-up, we ran into our first snag. See, my roomate can’t have caffeine at all. It affects him really badly, causing him to get headaches and his heart rate to jump up a crapton. Apparently, some caffeine got into his Serra Mist from Taco Bell. The effects were so bad, that he had to stay at the apartment and lie down to get the stuff out of his system. (Don’t worry, he’s fine now.)

So, after that, we left on our way. On the way up there, one of my friends made some calls to arrange housing (he went to LaTech [which in in Ruston] last year before transferring over to UCA), and get some people together. We also listened to what is quite possibly the most epic playlist ever on my iPod (I’m being serious, too :P).

When we got there, we met up with one of the guys from LaTech and tours of the campus were given. We were going to do some more “in-depth” tours of the campus buildings, but the police were out in full force. We talked for a while, and then we decided to go to Huddle House (it’s like the exact same as a Waffle House, only greasier and cheaper :P), and then made the trip to Righteous Wal-Mart. After one of my friends bought a shit-ton of Lunchables and some sweet tea to drink, we sat in the Electronics department and talked some more while my friend ate (remember, this is like 3 in the morning, we’re not in anyone’s way). After a while, at around 5 AM, we finally went to bed, only to wake up at 10.

When we woke up, we went to Raising Cane’s, a restaurant that serves Chicken… and only chicken. There are about 4 different items you can order off the menu. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, though, as it is good chicken. Not only that, but the Cane’s sauce that you get with your food is divine. Amazing stuff.

After Cane’s we made our way back home, listening to moar epic playlist. Overall, I’d say it was a pretty nice impromptu roadtrip. :)

Great Success!

After much hassle, we have finally won.

In case you missed the last entry, our college decided to take out all wired ‘nets in the apartments. Suffice it to say, upon hearing that, we were pretty pissed, so we began an email campaign to just about anyone we could think of: the head of the IT department, the helpdesk, even “Big Lu” the University’s president. Our first few emails were the basic “we’ll look into” emails, but then we got a “lead.” The IT department head said they would look into the wireless, and if it was below “acceptable” operating levels, they would install cable at no charge to the students (if they were acceptable levels, we could still get it for $75 a semester, plus the cost of a modem [though, they left the modems they used in the apartment last year in the apartment, so we already have one of those :P]). We thought that was pretty fair, but we decided to wait until they did the test.

But then, yesterday the internet was completely shit. We ran a speed test on SpeedTest.net, and not only did it take about 54 minutes to run, we were getting a ping of ~400ms, and download of 15kbps and and upload of about 30 kbps. We were pretty angry at that, as we had to do homework over the internet, and we couldn’t because of the shit ‘nets. So, we fired off another email to the IT man, saying we couldn’t do our homework, and showing the results of speed test.

This morning, my roommate received the reply from the finance directory saying they contacted Conway Corp to install the cable interweb in our apartment sometime soon. :D

The war is over, and we have won. :)

My College is Made of Fail…

So, one of the people I’m going to be living with this year at college has been able to move into our apartment early (it’s a school-owned apartment) because he’s in the marching band, and today we learned to our dismay that the “powers that be” are stupid imbeciles.

They decided that they were going to remove all wired methods of Internet from the apartments, including the cable internet, and even the shitty UCAnetsŪ (if you tried to play Xbox Live with me last semester, then you’ll probably remember how absolutely crap the internet in UCA dorm was).

As of now, there’s only going to be the crap school Wireless Internet available. You can ask any of my friends from school how absolutely crap that is. I’m not exaggerating when I say that it crashes about every 45 minutes.

Suffice it to say, I’m fairly pissed off right now. Things may improve when the main student body moves in on Sunday and people are pissed off because they can’t access the Internet Facebook any way other than wireless. Maybe then the powers that be will realize that removing land-based Internet was just about the stupidest thing they could have done, and they’ll restore the wired LANs (and hopefully the cable internet to the apartments, as well). Heck, my roommates and I have even considered asking if we could pay some sort of fee to get the cable internet back, but it’s idiotic that we’d even have to do that considering that internet fees are included in our tuition/housing fees. This almost feels like extortion just for internet that should be included in the housing “package.”

If they’re not going to restore some kind of wired ‘nets, then maybe they won’t object to paying $100 for the Xbox 360 Wireless adapters three of us in my apartment are going to have purchase so that we can use Xbox Live, and the $50 adapter two of us are going to need to purchase in order to get internet on our desktops. I feel particularly sorry for one of my roommates, as he only has a desktop computer, so unless something gets worked out from higher-up, he’s not going to be using the internet on his desktop.

So, basically, it looks like any chance I had at playing XBL or actually having any semblance of good internet at college has suddenly dwindled to about nil. I am completely disappointed at the administration. Seriously, what the crap were they thinking? I call all this bullcrap.